Son is Afraid to Deal with Bullies

Signs of bullies

When you are building trust with your son, you can look for signs of bullying. There are many signs in a boy that can show that he has been bullied at school such as acting withdrawn, afraid to go to school, being in a bad mood all the time with family, skipping school, lying his way out of going to school, etc. On top of these signs, there may be physical signs such as bruises. Most boys are afraid to show their parents the physical abuse from bullies in fear of making things worse and getting even more beaten up. You, as a parent, need to show with every sign you could that you are in control and won't act on anything without your son's approval first. Your son needs to trust you to come forth with evidence.

You can ask your son if he had been bullied but unless you show him that your concern goes beyond the bullying, he won't trust you.

Dealing with bullies & your son

If your son trusts you enough to reveal everything about his situation, then you need to respect his decision of how he wants to deal with the bullying. If he is so afraid that he won't want to do anything, you need to give him good advice and convince him that he needs to do something about it. You need to teach him about confidence and how he could solve his own problems. Most boys want to solve their own problems and don't want the parents getting involved. You need to respect that.

Should I tell his teacher?

No! Absolutely not. Most parents think that by telling the teacher it is better for their kids. This is wrong. You don't know what the teacher will do. The teacher could publicly humiliate your kids, knowingly or not. Even if you ask the teacher to just keep an eye out for your son, it could make matter worse. After all, unless you know the teacher personally, you don't know what the teacher will do. There are so many teachers that are one way to the parents and another way to the kids. Parents, too often, side with the teachers. You need to start siding with your kids and if the kids lie to you, then you need to teach him not to lie and then trust him. To not trust him will make matter worse.

After you have gained your son's trust, you can teach him how to deal with bullies using the various ways we discuss. After you have gone through all the ways and building his confidence up, he should have no fear left and no trouble facing bullies.